Dealing with Resistance in Eight Steps

There are times when it seems no matter how we ask, cajole, offer rewards, or demand people will not budge.  We think we know the right steps to take, but they refuse to see it our way.  The real issue may not be that they completely disagree.  It may be that they want their point of view to be heard and acknowledged.  The more we push, the more they will respond with force in kind.

This doesn’t mean they expect you to change your expectations or responsibility for getting the results.  It just means they want to tell their side of story.  The more they feel truly understood by you, moreover, the more likely they are to consider your position and buy into it.  The more you listen, the more you’ll learn how to improve your project in ways you had not considered.

Next time someone resists a request, try the following:

1. Consciously acknowledge you are meeting with resistance.  Remind yourself this is a normal part of the change process.
2. Take a deep breath. Prepare yourself for calm, active listening.  
3. Probe for more information from the resister.  Ask, “What’s worrying you?”  
4. Listen carefully and ask for clarification. Do this until you think you understand the issues completely.  
5. Resist judging their point of view.  It’s not wrong or right, it’s just another perspective.
6. Repeat back to them what you think you heard.  Use neutral, nonjudgmental language. Check for clarity until you both agree you’re on the same page.  
7. Only after you have absolute clarity on their point of view, can you move on to what you need.  State your own perceptions, expectations, needs, and rationale.  Be sure you don’t neglect explaining the reason behind your request.  People need to know why it is important they do what you are asking them to do.
8. Make the final decision as you see fit.  If there are valid points you are incorporating, let them know.  If you’re moving ahead as planned and need them to comply, thank them for helping you understand their point of view.  Then, move on, letting them know you will be counting on their support.

Give it a try.  Then, let us know how it goes.